Take · 2

Song's been stuck in my head all day since listening to the sermon... indeed I have to work on the patience thing...

In His time, in His time.
He makes all things beautiful, in His time.
Lord, please show me every day,
As You're teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say,
In Your time.

In Your time, in Your time,
You make all things beautiful, in Your time.
Lord, my life to You I bring,
May each song I have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing,
In Your time.

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus


*Breathes*

As per Wikipedia's "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" passage...

"Another major point of Gray's books are the differences in the way they react under stress. He believes that many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. He refers to this as "retreating into their cave." In some cases they may literally retreat, for example, to the garage or spend time with friends. The point of retreating is to take time to determine a solution. What is known is that men in their caves are not necessarily focused on the problem at hand, many times this is a "time-out" of sorts to allow them to distance themselves from the problems so their brains can focus on something else. Gray posits that this allows them to revisit the problem later with a fresh perspective.

Gray holds that this retreat into the cave has historically been hard for women to understand because when they are stressed their natural reaction is to talk about issues in order to find a solution. This leads to a natural dynamic of the man retreating as the woman tries to grow closer. According to Gray this becomes a major source of conflict between any man and woman.

The "wave" is a term Gray uses to describe a natural cycle for women that is centered around their abilities to give to other people. He claims that when they feel full of love and energy to give to others their wave is in a stable place. As they give to others (and don't receive the same amount of love and attention given to them in return) their wave begins to grow until it eventually crashes. This is a time when a woman feels she has nothing else to give to those in her life and she needs the love of those around her (including self love) to help come out of this dark place. Gray holds that once she is rejuvenated (by getting the support she needs) she is able to pop out of this dark place and once again has love and energy to give."


Okay, maybe I just need to step back and give him his space and not lose my head... WT needs to learn to not let her emotions and brain get the best of her.  Relax...... no criticism, no suggestions, no lectures... just let it be.  Stop acting on my female intuition...... 

"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were."
-Kahlil Gibran

Letting go is probably the hardest thing to do, since if you care, it's the opposite of what you want to do, but for my sanity and his, I need to let go and let him make decisions best for him even if they are not necessarily best for me.  Part of being an adult is learning to make decisions, and as unamusing as mommy comments are, I'm not his mother.  I don't want to lecture, even though sometimes I don't know how else to express my feelings.  But stepping back and letting things fall where they may is something I have to learn to do... 

A lesson learned when you're a kid... If you have nothing nice to say, you are better off not saying anything at all. I don't know if it's really the case that I have nothing to say, but as my emotions usually get the better of me when I do speak, sometimes it's better that I keep my mouth shut. It also allows me to reflect. Sometimes I wonder if the problem is me and I need to be more willing to compromise, but then the devil's advocate within me asks, how much more can I compromise than I already have? No question that relationships without love can't survive, but as I learn more and more, relationships need more than just love. If nothing else, compromise is just as important. In the last few months, I've been going over in my mind again and again a quote that someone said once, don't remember who. If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, then they're always yours. If not, then they were never yours to begin with. Point being, if it's meant to be, no matter the distance or the place, it's meant to be. Otherwise, you can be siamese twins and it won't pan out. Of course, that's the idealist talking. The realist says the idealist doesn't factor in societal influences that may be beyond anyone's controls. I don't know where exactly I'm going with this, other than that I'm tired. Not just physically, since I didn't fall asleep until 2:30 or 3 and woke up to the face of gloom, but mentally, I'm drained. I feel like it's Groundhog's Day over and over, with no resolution. I don't want to have my family worry about me. And it's 9:45am and I'm thinking about Mike's Hard Lemonade...

I can't pinpoint what exactly it is that I'm feeling, just because it seems to change second to second. The situations don't parallel at all, but one of the emotions coursing through me is what I felt back in high school 8 yrs ago to the month - how I felt when I was trying to force myself to accept that I was going to Bing when it seemed like everyone else was Ivy-bound. You don't want to be the sourpuss in the room, but at the same time, how do you force yourself to be happy for them? I know, it makes me sound like a hypocrite since I sprout the philosophy of smile and you'll be happy... And it wouldn't be so bad if I weren't also feeling resentment, panic, worry, fear, and confusion while trying to talk myself back from the edge of insanity. I will be the first to say that more often than not, I overanalyze things and I think of worse case scenario rather than project most likely scenario. Granted, I read too many teen soap series growing up and for many years, my so-called love life was putting myself in that fictitious world, so sometimes I make things to be more melodramatic than they really are. But you know, this whole week just retriggered a whole series of questions that I've been dealing with and been asked for a couple years now and been trying to answer with no good answers - what do I plan to do with my life, what will happen if he moves somewhere else, what do I do if I can't find something elsewhere, where does marriage fit into all this if it does... Why the hell is the van driver showing nothing but pole dancing videos, I'm not in the mood to watch skinny girls with no figures whatsoever gyrating in bikinis to pop music!!! Sorry... Diversion. But the point is, maybe for once, I need more structure in my life so that I don't feel so much like the ground is being pulled out from underneath me. Or maybe I just really need to move out so I don't have to feel obligated to provide answers... Why is life so complicated???

Believe it or not, I hate to cry. Just because my eyes and my brain don't listen to each other doesn't mean I enjoy the sensation of burning eyes and congested nose. That being said, I have long ago lost any control over those damn tear glands that can overflow at will. Again, that being said, without looking like a complete basket case on the bus, I think whatever it is that I'm feeling, it's more so of helplessness than anger. Sometimes I feel like my life is spinning out of control and to a degree, I guess it scares me. It's easier to say that everything will be alright and all than to actually believe it sometimes. It goes back to the reality that I am not one who can completely let it go and rely on faith and say His will be my will because what if it isn't? But this entry isn't about religion. It's just me scared that I don't have all the answers and not knowing what the future looks like and being asked constantly what I plan to do with my life. Maybe it IS easier to just move to the middle of nowhere or bury my head in the sand.

I think that it is true that we tend to pray more often when we don't know what to do than when all the pieces fall into place.  True that we should remember all the times of thanksgiving too, not just send a big SOS prayer every time things fall into pieces, but I do find solace and a certain element of peace and release through prayer.  God knows I don't have all the answers, I wish I do but I don't.  Sometimes I feel so helpless and frustrated, I don't know how to deal with it myself, never mind getting him through it.  I know all I can do is provide him with support and maybe from time to time, my two cents, but sometimes I do feel like I am in quicksand.  I know that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, so maybe in a sense this is a test for me as much as it is for him.  Strength of relationships is tested through the bad times, not the good.  But sometimes I feel like I'm in rehab... anyhow, some words of comfort... prayer of serenity... 

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

Guy that was standing next to me on the bus this morning... Looks like clean-cut Chinese guy in a suit and dress shoes, Wall Street-type, basically. Except I was standing next to him, looked up... And right behind his left ear was a tattoo, about the size of a quarter, of a broken heart (you know, heart split with a zigzag line down the middle) that was in black. Just thought that was weird... Never really a fan of tattoos anywhere on your head. (Okay, or anywhere else, but really, on your head is a bit Tysonish.)

I have a case of the Mondays, but I always do. Where did the weekend go?!?!

God teaches us to turn the other cheek, but how do you turn the other cheek when someone literally kicks you intentionally?  As last week's sermon noted, sometimes anger is justified in the sense that in most cases, anger is experienced as a result of a feeling of injustice or you show you care.  In my case, it was, why was I getting the brunt of his inexplicable tirade and abuse when I was just trying to help?  The ones we have the most ability in hurting the most are the ones we care about the most.  I was furious, but time as usual lessens the wound.  It doesn't necessarily make forgiveness any easier of an act to do though.  It's so easy to go on silent treatment for the rest of eternity, but in the end, is it really worth it?  It's perhaps worth it to the point where I make my point clear, that certain actions are not okay.  But certainly anger should never be a feeling lasting forever, even if it helps to burn calories.

I guess life again reflects that God takes us in strange paths that are beyond our understanding.  Why would one quit a high salary job like Uncle Wilson's when the economy still has not found a bottom?  But again, to show that money really isn't everything.  You only are on earth for only so long, so it's your duty to yourself and others around you to find happiness, and more so, a sense of peace of mind.  And of course, no one knows what the path ahead will reveal, but we need to trust that in the end, things will work out for the best, even if it's not necessarily the road we would've planned for ourselves otherwise.